So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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