I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
