shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
smell my finger.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
