i was born a porn star she said
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
