i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
