i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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