Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
