So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
