i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
