dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
