totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
