New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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