Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
