fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
