It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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