it hurts more in the daytime
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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