ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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