OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
