Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
