Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
