One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
