just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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