Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
