I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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