Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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