I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
