It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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