OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
