booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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