fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
