The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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