At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
