im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
