you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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