Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
