Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He passed out mid-signature
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
