just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
