she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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