I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
