arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
