come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
