ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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