My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
