Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
