I will die if light touches me.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
