seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
