I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
