Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
