I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
