i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
