she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
