physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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