Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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