i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
