friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
