All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
