hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
