I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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