why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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