some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
how do you play pong handcuffed?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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