Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
