Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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