well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
