Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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