i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
