i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
