I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
