I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
