hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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