could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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