hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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