obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
