the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
