i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
