I feel like abortions should bother me more
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
