for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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