PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
