I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
