I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
