Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
