Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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